Wednesday, August 31, 2005

15 hours gone 394,200 hours to go

Originally uploaded by seaniz.

Angry Sean. So far so good, I haven't smoked anything in about 15 hours. Hopefully I won't have to think about cigarettes anymore when I turn 81. That will be approximately 394, 200 hours or 45 years from now.

Hell I'll probably start smoking again if I reach 80 -- sometimes you get to a point where you're ready to go. I've met both kinds of people. An old friend of mine had the coolest, most interesting grandmother. She always had some sort of story to tell. Even when I'd heard the same story two or three times I'd find myself transfixed by her small, creaky, warm voice. She was ready to go when she died -- at least that's what she was telling me for the last year or so.

But another good friend of mine, died far earlier than she need have done. I've been calling her mom since I met her at age 16. She will always be remembered (by me and my good friend, her biological son, Russell) as that sweet, sometimes cranky, woman that we both called mom who could, and frequently did cook up a fantastic series of dishes every xmas holiday for a huge pile of High School kids and friends and relatives. She died of rapidly spreading lung cancer. I miss her. I still remember the way her body felt when I found her. Cold, dry and waxy. Not the warm mom that I was expecting to feel.


  1. I still don't understand how people rationalize continuing to smoke. Especially when they have children and grandchildren to think about. Ending your life early by continuing to smoke when you have children/grandchildren is very irresponsible.

  2. I don't see the difference really. I can't rationalize smoking even though I don't have any children. But I smoke nonetheless. That is until now. But I have to say that, being the black-hearted pessimist that I have become -- dieing is inevitable. You might as well enjoy your life because no matter what, your going to come to it's end. Some would rather die relatively quickly than live their lives in wheelchairs or hospital beds for years on end.

    The question of children and grandchildren is interesting as well. I had a far richer relationship with my friends mother than I've ever had with my own parents or grandparents.


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